Babies, Bottles, Breastfeeding and. . . BOUDOIR?
Why I think every new mom should schedule a boudoir shoot
by guest blogger Caitlin from This Mama Is
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Why I Think Every New Mom Should Schedule a Boudoir Shoot:
Postpartum is rough
Postpartum can be freaking rough, am I right? As a new mom, I was not nearly prepared for the roller coaster that comes with those first few postpartum months. I was crazy emotional. One minute I was on the highest high, feeling so filled with love and excitement for my new life. The next minute, I would crash and find myself sobbing in a heap on my daughter’s bedroom floor. My husband would ask what was wrong and I couldn’t tell him.
On top of the emotions, can we talk about the fact that I barely recognized my own body? I delivered vaginally and had a second-degree tear (which I now know is super common), and I honestly felt like I’d never be able to walk normally again. In every chair in the house, I sat on this little foam egg crate that they gave me in the hospital.
My daughter, Lucy, and I got off to a ROUGH start with breastfeeding. She sucked down a lot of amniotic fluid on her way out and had to have her tiny lungs suctioned in the first minute of her life. This left her poor little mouth and throat so sore that she would NOT eat anything. Her first feedings were being force fed by a syringe…. talk about traumatic for a new mom.
Once Lucy finally started nursing, I struggled with a fast let down and an oversupply that left her gagging and with terrible acid reflux. She cried ALL THE TIME. My boobs were ridiculously engorged, in pain, and always leaking. Add in the puffy red eyes from sobbing, the tummy that looked like I was still 6 months pregnant, and the mesh underwear with the giant padsicle in it (you mamas know exactly what I’m talking about) and MAN… I really was an attractive sight to behold.
What if we all shared our true stories?
I know this blog post is supposed to be about boudoir photography, and clearly I’m painting a picture here that any partner would absolutely dream of having to look at forever. But in all seriousness, I really do want to make the point that the beginning of my journey as a mom was NOT pretty.
And the thing is, I think that’s probably the case for most new moms. We’re just so dang afraid to admit that we’re struggling. We don’t dare breathe out loud that the thing we’ve been longing for, our beautiful baby, is actually freaking HARD. We feel awful about the fact that sometimes we think, “What did I do to my life???”
However, I think that if more of us were willing to openly talk about our struggles, stumbles and failures, we would all feel so much less alone.
“However, I think that if more of us were willing to openly talk about our struggles, stumbles and failures, we would all feel so much less alone.”
Coming out of the fog
Around 3 months, I started to feel like I was coming out of that newborn fog. Lucy was starting to be much happier and her reflux issues were under control. She would give me these heart-stopping gummy smiles that melted my heart, and I’d think, “Oh! There you are. You are a little human after all…”
I went to my first postpartum appointment and was cleared to workout again, which was great. I’d been active my whole pregnancy and working out was definitely an outlet that helped me feel like myself again. I knew I was doing something great for myself, it gave me more energy, and it helped me to reconnect with a body that didn’t really feel like it belonged to me anymore.
One thing that did not return? My sex drive.
“Let’s Talk About Sex {After} Baby”
First of all, I don’t think any woman should ever feel embarrassed to talk about sex. It’s part of a healthy relationship and we totally deserve to have great sex with our partners. That being said, open and honest communication about it is key in my opinion.
When I went to my postpartum appointment, my doctor gave me the clear to have sex again. Then she said, “I mean, if you want, just lie to your husband and tell him I said you have to wait a few months.” My jaw almost hit the floor. How many women out there are feeling pressured to have sex postpartum before they’re ready that she felt the need to tell me to lie to my husband and say that I wasn’t allowed to for medical reasons??
Ladies, if you are newly postpartum and reading this, and you aren’t feeling ready to have sex again, that’s ok!!! Talk to your partner about it and be honest!! The first time my husband and I tried to have sex after baby, it was really painful and I needed to stop. He was completely supportive and understanding and actually did research the next day about how to make it better for me. And NOT because he just wanted to get some… because he really wanted me to feel safe and comfortable.
There are a ton of reasons you might not feel like having sex after having a baby. For me, it was a combination of a bunch of things. Because of breastfeeding, my progesterone and estrogen levels were low. Low progesterone causes a low sex drive and low estrogen leaves you super dry down there (hence the pain…). In addition to that, I was having a hard time seeing my body as something that I should even use for sex since I was using it to, you know, keep my baby alive. I had a hard time seeing myself as a mom and a lover (ok, I know that sounds so weird but I can’t think of another way to put it... hahaha) to my husband. More than anything, I just didn’t feel like myself. I felt like a stranger in my own skin and I rarely felt empowered or sexy.
“I felt like a stranger in my own skin and I rarely felt empowered or sexy.”
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What Boudoir Did For Me
When Lucy was about six months old, Andrea reached out to me and told me she had starting working as a boudoir photographer and asked if I’d be interested in having some photos done. I won’t lie, my initial reaction was…. HAHAHA NO. I was struggling to feel sexy enough to have sex with my husband on a regular basis. I certainly wasn’t going to put on some lingerie and lay around half naked having my picture taken.
But then, I really started to think about it. I had been looking for ways to feel connected to my body. To feel like I could celebrate it. To feel strong, empowered and confident.
Andrea had been one of my very best friends in high school and is also a mom, so I knew there wouldn’t be any judgement. Plus, I knew she was just getting started in this new career and I really wanted to support her mom to mom. So, I typed up a message that said yes, closed my eyes and hit send.
Even thinking about doing the shoot made me feel more confident immediately! I thought about things that I could wear that would make me feel great. Things that I knew my husband would love. About a week beforehand, Andrea and I had a call where she went over everything I needed to know. She explained to me different options for outfits, the different kinds of photos she could take and every step of the way made sure I felt super comfortable. I got off the phone SO excited for the shoot.
The day of the shoot, I was definitely a little nervous. I felt like maybe it would be a little awkward. Would it be like weirdly silent? Would I even be able to do the poses she asked me to do? Would I look ridiculous in the pictures? But as soon as I got to the studio, I felt at ease. Andrea has such an amazing way of making you feel comfortable with the way she makes conversation and the way she teaches you how to pose and look (or not look) at the camera. We honestly laughed and had fun the entire time. I walked out of there feeling freaking gorgeous. She showed me a few sneak peek images from her camera and I couldn’t even believe it was me!
It was one of the first times I felt truly empowered, confident and sexy after having a baby. I went home excited to be with my husband because I actually felt great about myself. In a way, it helped me see what he sees in me. Someone who is beautiful and so deserving of love. Someone who is MORE than constant breastfeeding, pumping and shoving nursing pads in her bra.
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“I’m a woman who deserves to feel confident, powerful, strong and beautiful. And you deserve that, too.”
I honestly could not recommend this more to new mamas. Everything about the experience was incredible. I ended up purchasing a ton of the photos because they were so amazing. Yes, I did make a book of them as a gift for my husband, and obviously he loves it. But I also keep them and look at them when I need a reminder of how beautiful and powerful I am. When I need that reminder that there’s more to me than being a mom.I’m a woman who deserves to feel confident, powerful, strong and beautiful. And you deserve that, too.
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