The Strong Women in our Lives
The Strong Women in our Lives
By: Andrea, Nicki, Asif & Jill
Women hold such an important role within our society because they often lend a major hand in child rearing and forming us all into who we are today. Whether she is your mother, grandmother, aunt, or sister everyone can count on at least one woman that shaped who they are today! Because it is Women History Month and we’re all self-quarantining here in Upstate NY, let’s shine the light in the incredible women in our lives. The team at The Boudoir Studio reflects on the important women in our lives:
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Andrea:
Choosing just one influential woman in my life is simply not possible. However, I can narrow it down to my top 3. My mom, my grandma, and my aunt. All three of these women have played huge roles in my life, helping me and guiding me to become the person I am today.
“My mom is a strong person, she isn’t afraid to tell you how it is, and chime in with her opinion when given the right opportunity. ”
Growing up, those 3 women have always been there, always been available. As an adult, it's no different. The core of who I am is because of them. But for this, I want to specifically talk about my mom. I could start from childhood and talk about what she gave up to be home with us and all that. I could get super deep and emotional about her love for us. But really where I want to go is If you had asked me at 16 how I felt about my mom I am not exactly sure how I would have answered. Of course, I loved her but it was a very typical "my mom doesn’t understand me" type relationship. My mom is a strong person, she isn’t afraid to tell you how it is, and chime in with her opinion when given the right opportunity. My mom diligently weighs out every option, and every scenario. She believes in respect, honesty, and doing the right thing. As an impulsive teenager, you can see where there was a constant struggle. She never gave up or gave in unless she truly felt it was the right decision. She took us through her processes of decision making, sometimes it felt like she was dragging us through this process. Little did we know how much she was teaching us during that time.
As a parent now, even to just toddlers, I can fully see how strong she had to be. To be able to stand her ground during those teenage years took a lot, both emotionally and physically. I can only hope to be able to be as strong as she was. She had three daughters close in age who all thought we had all the answers. We each had our hiccups along the way, we each swore mom was crazy and we couldn’t wait to move out . . . I even wrote on the family calendar on my 18th birthday, “The day I can move out,” right underneath “Happy birthday, Andrea!” . . . insert major eye roll . . . I did move out for a while a year later . . . Just to move back in. Looking back, my mom by no means “ ruined my life” as I told her countless times. The fact is she saved my life probably more times than I know especially during those years of pushing boundaries and seeing how invincible I was or in reality wasn’t. My mom being who she is, maybe without even knowing it, taught me to be a strong, mindful, and honest person. She gave me the ability to say “No” and not be ashamed, she gave me the confidence to tell my peers “This isn’t right, I am leaving” and actually leave. As an adult, the respect and love I have for her is beyond words. My mom was just my mom when that's all I needed her to be. As an adult, she is not only my mom, but now can also be and is my best friend. I now welcome her opinion, I look forward to getting her thoughts on things I am struggling with. We usually hash it all out during our weekly grocery shopping trip . . . because yeah the teenager who swore her mom was crazy, now calls her mom daily just to talk and also gets disappointed if she went grocery shopping without her (not that that really happens all that often) .
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Nicki:
It is really hard for me to choose a single woman, I have been influenced and inspired by a number of women: my mom, my stepmom, my younger sister, my older stepsister are the ones that come to mind immediately. Each one has contributed, whether knowingly or unknowingly, to who I am today. So if it's ok with you all, I'm going to give a brief reason why each of those 4 women have impacted me so much.
“ She taught me the importance of a hug, how to clean, how to sew, and so much more, but most importantly, she was always there. Always. ”
My Mom
I got to have the first 9 years of my life with this woman before cancer took her life. I have only a handful of memories of her so I didn't realize how deep her influence on my life was until recent years. Until I became a mom, actually. Asif and I were married for 9 years before having our first baby. We weren't even sure if we wanted to have babies! But when we did, I knew for sure, non-negotiable, that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and most likely homeschool. I'd actually had this certainty all along, even during all the years I wasn't sure I wanted babies, and I wasn't really sure why. But I began to realize that I had been deeply impacted by my mom - she stayed at home with us and she homeschooled us. I'm pretty sure when I was a little girl, I looked up to her and wanted to be like her and at some point, my little mind made that decision and it stuck with me in a powerful way.
My stepmom, Susan
Fast forward to age 14, when my dad remarried, I was given an amazing role model who showed me what a mom was like at a time when I was old enough to pay attention. Although I was resistant to her at first, the changes she brought to our life highly impacted me. She brought a "woman's touch" to our home (I remember one day angrily telling my friend that my dad married "Martha Stewart"!) but after awhile, I wanted to learn from her. She taught me the importance of a hug, how to clean, how to sew, and so much more, but most importantly, she was always there. Always. Always ready to listen, always had time to sit with us, always had time to teach me something. And now that I am a mom, she has been and is so supportive, giving me confidence as a mom because she believes in me. I love her dearly and am so grateful for her!
My younger sister, Kristin
She is 5 and 1/2 years younger than me, and I don't think she knows how much she's impacted me. She got pregnant when she was 18, chose to keep the baby, dropped out of college, and actually lived with Asif and I for several months of her pregnancy. I saw her endure morning sickness, saw her feel the pain of losing her future career (she's brilliant and could've done anything she wanted), saw her shame as she felt like the "black sheep" in a Christian family, and watched as she did what she thought was right anyway. In spite of how much it hurt. I watched my little sister be a mom and learned so much from her in an up close and personal way. I was there when my niece was born (and her two sisters, 1 and 2 years later!), watched my sister breastfeed, pump, come up with creative ways to get the baby to sleep, survive sleep deprivation, and do it all over again 2 more times. My first baby was born about 4 and 1/2 months after her 3rd was born and I had a lot of confidence for a new mom. So much so that my pediatrician commented on it (I think she was intimidated!) and I believe I got that confidence from watching my sister. Thanks sis!
My older stepsister, Lisa
Although we never lived together (she was a full grown adult when her mom married my dad), I got a really cool gift in Lisa - I am the oldest in my family, but I got to have an older sister to look up to as well. And she has taught me so much about how to value family. She accepted me and my brother and sister as if we were blood family right away. She has continually prioritized spending time with family as a regular part of her life - I watched as she regularly visited her grandma over the years till she passed away, she currently visits her out-of-state father regularly (even though it's a long drive), she is constantly visiting our parents, and she is always helping out and giving generously of herself, wherever she is. I am so grateful for her!
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Jill:
I was fortunate enough to grow up with a troop of strong women. My mother was a single mom for the majority of my life. So it just made sense that she gathered her village to help raise my brother and me. She is 1 of 10 children, 5 of them being women. It would be insulting to not at least give a nod to all of my aunts for having a hand in raising us! Thank You!! However, the two women that made an incredible difference in my life would be my grandmother and my mother.
“Looking back on it now, it blows me away that she held zero resentments to have my mother and her children move in even after raising her flock of children.”
After my parents divorced, my mother had no other option but to move in with my grandparents, Pedro and Aida. Aida, my grandmother, was a stay-at-home working mother who moved from Puerto Rico in the early 1950s. She took care of her TEN children during the day and helped my grandfather reupholster furniture at night to help bring in some extra income. Aida never learned to drive a car, her English was never perfected but she was full of unconditional love. Every day I try to tap into her greatness by remembering “if she can raise 10 kids I can manage 2…” Looking back on it now, it blows me away that she held zero resentments to have my mother and her children move in even after raising her flock of children. My grandmother soothed my boo-boo’s, taught me her tricks about gardening and cooked us soul food every day while my mother worked full-time. One moment that stands out to me the most was the gatherings we would have at her house. Every Thanksgiving, every Christmas, and almost every Sunday there could easily be 20 people chattering a touch above a comfortable decibel. Cousins felt more like siblings, the smell of coffee was never-ending, and the heat from so many people would fog the windows in the house. Aida had a way to bring everyone together like a true matriarch. Now that I am a mother myself, I am just in awe of her life devoted to her children and her grandchildren.
“Her greatest advice to me and every mother out there is -put your children first and everything else will come after.”
Naturally, my mother is also an incredibly strong woman. After she left my father, my mother started working for Wegmans as a night cashier. To. This. Day. I will never understand how my mother was able to financially raise us. I know that on several occasions she had to sacrifice her own needs to send my brother and me to band trips in high school. When she would help teach us about finances and budgets she would use this imagery of taking out her “samurai sword” and dicing up her paychecks to make sure she could make rent, groceries and put a little bit away in savings. Her work ethic is incomparable, she didn’t use any public assistance, she had no child support and only had additional income to help for a small portion of my childhood. My mother also has a strong spirit to “make up for her height”, as she would say, and wouldn’t take s*** from anyone. Because she was very opinionated, she is the best person to get advice from. There is no “beating around the bush” with her, she will “give it to you straight” and help anyone see their circumstances clearer. I actually have a cookbook that I started with her recipes and attached her “one-liners” to the top of every page. Her greatest advice to me and every mother out there is “put your children first and everything else will come after”. SO TRUE! However, she can’t take credit for that one-liner… because my grandmother actually advised her of this when she was struggling with my brother and I.
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Asif:
Without any hesitation, the woman who has had the greatest impact on my life is my own mom. She was a stay-at-home mom who loved me, cared for me and for sure disciplined me when needed. While there is an abundant library of lessons she has taught me, I’d like to highlight three of the most influential ones: a deep love for spirituality, family and possessing the courage to pursue my dreams.
“Finally just a couple months after celebrating my 15th birthday I boarded a plane to fly half-way across the world to start that new life. Alone.”
My mom is a Pakistani woman who comes from a background where God, family, culture, and love rank highest in her priorities. She passed that on to me through her lifestyle more than through her words. I still remember her devotion to keep up with daily prayer vigils and making the pilgrimage to the holy land as often as she could with my dad and I. To this day I remember her teaching me how to pray and memorize scriptures yet the greatest memory I have of her is finding her awake at odd hours in the night on her prayer mat deeply lost in prayer above and beyond her usual vigils. One night, inspired by her devotion I joined her and seeing her example declared that I would spend the rest of my life doing God’s work someway somehow. While I am no longer a follower of that particular religion, it remains my greatest priority to live my life in light of the Divine and make my life count and leave a legacy behind that is worthy of what she has instilled in me. Along with a deep love for spirituality she also instilled in me a courageous pursuit of my dreams in the face of any opposing fears. I am an only child and when I was just 12 years old I remember her supporting me in my dream of leaving Saudi Arabia as a child to go to America in pursuit of a better life. The next 3 years were a heart-wrenching roller coaster of attempting to make that dream a reality. Finally just a couple months after celebrating my 15th birthday I boarded a plane to fly half-way across the world to start that new life. Alone. The irony in taking that journey is that I could never last an entire night on a sleepover at the cousins’ and would have to have my parents come and take me home in the middle of the night.
Little did I know that pursuit would lead me to my greatest dream ever and the love of my life: Nicki. Speaking of amazing women, besides my mom, there is not a single woman on the planet who has had a greater impact on my life than Nicki. Together, Nicki and I have 4 beautiful children and we consider ourselves beyond blessed as we revel in the love we get to share as a family. I am grateful that my mom taught me to prioritize my family and let the rest fall into place and I continue to do just that. My parents did migrate to the U.S. eventually and I even got to own a coffee shop with my mom for the last 5 years and work with her every day of the week. I guess we had to make up for all the lost time. We actually just sold the coffee shop just a couple of months ago.
Fun fact: Jill actually helped me launch that cafe five years ago and I remember her coming into work with her then-new-born baby Vienna in a baby carrier on her back. Talk about an amazing working mom!